Cis, trans, non-binary: does it matter what your sex coach is?

Person-centred care means working with what is present in the person in front of us, not what we think they should be. As therapists, counsellors, or coaches, when we work with people who share traits with us, or who have lived through experiences similar to our own, we need to be especially careful to notice where assumptions or biases may arise.

My approach is process-oriented, which means the work itself is about being with what is. We keep returning to beginner’s mind and bringing curiosity to each moment, with as little assumption as possible. And when assumptions do arise, we can notice them and stay with them too.

I’m a trans masc, non-binary AFAB person. I lived the first forty years of my life as a cis-presenting woman, began taking testosterone at 42, and had top surgery about six months later. I don’t think of myself as a man, any more than I think of myself as a woman. I identify with traits of both womanhood and manhood, and most of my life has been shaped through the lens of womanhood.

Since transitioning medically, I’ve had experiences that feel alien and strange, as well as validating, uplifting, and euphoric. My sense of how I’m perceived is constantly shifting, and I’ve made a practice of staying close to my embodied experience as I move through these changes.

Much of the work I do with people supports authentic transformation, whether that is in sexuality, relationships, or the desire to live with more ease and joy. To move toward the goals people bring to me, we need to pay attention to the subtle, and sometimes not so subtle, cues our being is sending.

As a group, trans people are often forced to become experts in living with uncertainty. I don’t regret the time it took me to embrace my gender non-conformity, because waiting allowed me to meet the experience with awareness, gentleness, and curiosity.

I can bring that way of being into the work we do together. Whatever sex you were assigned at birth, and whatever your current gender experience or presentation may be, you can benefit from my perspective. It is less a perspective, perhaps, and more a way of being that creates space for truth to emerge together.